New Year, New Anxiet-Me

I started Chapter Free to remove the strict structures I used to abide by and live a more care-free and vulnerable existence. I wanted to prove to myself that that didn’t have to be so scary. Sometimes it still is but I keep pushing through. 

In the very far-away past, I used that structure to stay inside the lines and refrain from making mistakes. How? Well, I sat in my comfort zone. I didn’t do anything unless I was sure of how it would turn out. I often canceled plans (or didn’t make them at all) because what can go wrong at home, right?

I started poking my head out of hiding over the last couple of years. Mistakes were made but I’m still standing. At the end of day, leaving my comfort zone brought me an insane amount of inner growth.

Then, March of 2020 rolled around and my comfort zone suddenly became uncomfortable. Even staying home and canceling a years worth of plans could not stop bad things from happening – and not just for me personally, but all around the world.

No matter what you choose to do with your whole new year, allow room for error. This is not going to be the year where you don’t make any mistakes but, then again, it shouldn’t be.

We all went through a lot last year. I saw my friends change and grow as much as I saw myself overcome old (and new) obstacles.

For me, today is not all that different from yesterday. Today is Friday. There’s no pressure placed on me from myself to start over because there’s too much that I’m excited to continue on.

Why do we do that, by the way? Why do we put so much pressure on January 1st, or our birthdays, or our first dates, and expect a 24 hour day to hand us miracles? At what point do we take responsibility for our own happiness?

Life is always going to throw curveballs. You can work your butt off to buy a brand new car and you can still find yourself with a flat tire. The key is to not let the negative impact how you view the positive.

In March, we hit a nationwide snag, and we all dug deep down into our reserves to push through. At this point, our reserves are running dry and there are still some more battles to face. Be kind to yourselves but also be kind to others. Remember that not everyone has it in them to answer every text or every phone call and it likely is not a personal attack on you. Keep your patience, scream into the void, and light some candles. We’re gonna keep getting through this.

Happy New Year, everyone 💛

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